Dear Editor,
Vice President Bharrat Jagdeo has assured us that the new Demerara River Bridge, with its shiny modern design and futuristic materials, will practically maintain itself—so much so that tolls will be a thing of the past! Imagine a Guyana where prosperity trickles down as efficiently as the traffic flows on this elevated wonder. Forget about pesky potholes or rusted bolts; this bridge is apparently immune to Guyana’s quirky little things like salt air, flooding, and a tropical climate. After all, haven’t we learned from global giants like Australia’s Sydney Harbour Bridge, which only racks up $10 million (GYD 2.1 billion) annually in maintenance due to salt air corrosion? Oh wait, they actually have to pay that.
But fear not! In Guyana, we’ll somehow escape these tedious maintenance costs. The new Demerara River Bridge, located less than 2.5 miles from the Atlantic Ocean, will surely not be affected by the salty ocean air, despite its proximity. While studies show that structures near coastal waters experience steel corrosion up to five times faster, our bridge will be an exception. Even if salt-related repairs do pop up, the magical $0 tolls should easily cover the hundreds of millions (GYD tens of billions) it’ll cost over time, right?
Now, let’s talk about these free tolls. The current floating bridge generates about GYD 1.4 billion annually in tolls. Over 30 years, that’s a neat GYD 42 billion of lost revenue that will be offset by—well, who knows? Perhaps the bridge’s unique “self-maintenance” will save us more than GYD 42 billion in upkeep, despite global examples suggesting otherwise. The math may not add up, but we’re dealing with trickledown economics here, where numbers bend to fit promises!
Then there’s our beloved rainy season—an innocent 85 inches of annual rainfall, frequently causing floods that undermine roads and embankments across the country. The 2013 Colorado River bridges in the U.S. needed $100 million (GYD 21 billion) in repairs after similar floods, but no worries for us! Surely, the roads to the Demerara Bridge will stay dry and flood-proof, even if the rest of the country is underwater.
And let’s not forget our tropical climate, where temperatures fluctuate so wildly, you’d think the bridge might expand and contract—just like Brazil’s Rio-Niterói Bridge, which has cracked and cost millions to monitor and repair. But in Guyana, we must have superior tropical engineering because the estimated $50 million (GYD 10.5 billion) yearly in upkeep for that bridge won’t apply here.
Should these minor inconveniences arise, I’m sure we’ll rely on that robust “trickledown” magic to fund any surprise repairs. Maintenance is for bridges that don’t know how to weather a storm—or three. And if the math doesn’t work out? We’ll just continue not collecting GYD 1.4 billion a year in tolls while marveling at our “cost-saving” decisions.
Sincerely,
Keith Bernard
