Dear Editor,
It is with great admiration—and a touch of bewilderment—that I write to applaud both the former Iraqi Information Minister and the esteemed spokespeople of the Guyanese government. In the realm of creative communication, few can rival these masters of public relations, who have achieved feats of linguistic brilliance that deserve a place in the halls of satire.
We must, of course, begin with the iconic performance of Iraq’s former Information Minister, Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf—fondly known as “Comical Ali.” Back in 1991, while US tanks rolled through Baghdad, he triumphantly declared that the enemy had been crushed, Iraq was victorious, and any suggestion otherwise was merely a fabrication of the infidel media. His ability to defy facts with sheer confidence was a marvel, setting the standard for optimistic storytelling in the face of total chaos.
Fast forward to present-day Guyana, and we witness a similar artistry. Our government assures us that the nation’s mega-projects are progressing at “an unprecedented pace.” In fact, the latest figures show that 87% of the work is supposedly completed, even as we hear that an additional three months—and $100 million—will be needed to finish the final “minor” tasks. This masterful juggling of percentages with indefinite timelines reminds one of how Comical Ali could dismiss the sight of foreign tanks as mere illusions, despite the glaring reality in front of everyone else.
To truly appreciate this, let’s consider the statistics: The government has repeatedly announced that roads, bridges, and oil infrastructure are 90% complete—yet somehow, we remain 6 months away from completion. If my math serves me right, we’ve been “90% complete” for about 14 months now, which really makes one ponder the mysteries of percentages in the Guyanese context. Perhaps we’re using the same calculator Saddam Hussein used to count tanks.
The Gulf War featured bold declarations of victory as defeat loomed; today, we see a similarly heroic attempt in Guyana, where the government’s victory speeches seem to roll out faster than the actual projects they’re supposedly celebrating. Who needs finished roads when you have a completed press release?
So here’s to the great tradition of optimistic public relations—whether in the streets of Baghdad or the corridors of Georgetown. May the statistics always bend to the will of those declaring victory, and may we, the humble public, learn to celebrate 90% completion as the new gold standard of success!
Sincerely,
Keith Bernard