“Sometimes I don’t know how to deal with it to be honest. I would see it and then I would ask and there is silence. I does worry but I would say it is something she would pass over. She would not really talk. She does well in school and so and we does go to church and I would take them out so I don’t know what could be bothering her.
“But I see the marks on her hands and I ask her and she would say nothing. I am praying about it and I would just try to encourage her.”
The words of a mother who believes that one of her daughters is going through some form of emotional distress. She started to notice some small marks on the inside of her child’s arms and she believes it is some form of self-harm.
“It is nothing big but I know enough to know that it is not okay. I asked someone to talk to her but it was just silence too. I try to talk to her, I try to like change how I scold her because I don’t beat. I can’t remember the last time I beat but you know I do scold. But she is still not talking, I am happy that she is a well behaved child at school and so but she is quiet most of the time and that worries me,” the mother said.
We were talking about depression among young people and then she shared about her daughter. I myself was surprised because as she said the child is well behaved and very disciplined. She questioned whether depression in children was an issue.
“I never hear the word depression until when I get big you know but now from the smallest child know the word,” she pointed out.
I agreed by reflecting that I believe it was just a case of us not knowing how to describe our feelings because there was no doubt that we and many of our peers were depressed, some more than others. I remembered having conversations with my peers as teenagers and we would talk about how we felt and what actions we wanted to take, but we never used the word depression. I don’t know of any teenager in my time whose parents sought help either, but now more and more parents are aware.
I encouraged my friend to seek help if the issue with her child continues.
“I know. Sometimes I just feel so helpless because you know you are dealing with the rebellion and all and them not wanting to do what you ask and so on and now this. I thought, you know, I was like the best parent. At least I was trying, and that I would not get this kind of issue but now here it is and I don’t know how to deal with it,” she told me sadly.
She then shared how an acquaintance told her that her ten-year-old son said he becomes depressed at times.
“You know she get so worried and she ask him what he meant. And he tell her that he gets that feeling when he has a lot of work to do, you know, like school work and then work at home and then when he don’t get all done and his mother quarrel with him, he becomes depressed. She was so worried but you know me always trying to help, I tell she at least he talking about it and it’s just that maybe he gets overwhelmed at the work,” she shared.
I agreed that it was a good thing that the child felt comfortable enough to talk to his mom about his feelings. I think that was one thing that we did not have when we were growing up. I believe that more and more parents are understanding the importance of having conversations with their children.
As a child I never had a conversation with my mom or the adults around. I started having conversations with adults around me when I became an adult myself. It was always instructions being given and being told to follow them. I had no way of expressing myself and I am sure many from my generation could say the same.
I know sometimes as parents we find it difficult to have conversations with our children but it is important that we find a way to do so. We might not always get it right, but let’s make the effort. Too many of our youths are going through various issues and many times unfortunately those closest to them are unable to help. Sometimes we just can’t help and that is the brutal truth. In cases like that we need to seek help for our child or children. If you recognise your child needs help and you can’t give it, move quickly and find that help for them.
According to the Mayo Clinic, children can have the same mental health conditions as adults, but their symptoms may be different. Of course this does not only include depression but eating disorders, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) among others.
The Mayo Clinic gives warning signs of mental illness in children as
● Sadness that lasts two or more weeks.
● Changes in being social or staying away from others.
● Hurting oneself or talking about hurting oneself.
● Talking about death or suicide.
● Having outbursts or being very moody or testy.
● Out-of-control behaviour that can be harmful.
● Big changes in mood, behaviour or personality.
● Changes in eating habits.
● Loss of weight.
● Trouble sleeping.
● Getting headaches or stomach aches often.
● Trouble concentrating.
● Doing poorly in school.
● Not going to school.
If you see any of those symptoms, as soon as it is humanly possible, consult your child’s healthcare professional. Describe the behaviours that concern you. Talk to your child’s teachers, close friends, relatives or other caregivers to see if they’ve noticed changes in your child’s behaviour. Share this information with your child’s healthcare professional.
As Guyanese parents we have this way of sharing negatives about our children with others not to seek help but just to talk. We have to find better ways when dealing with our children because many times we cannot identify whether they are being depressed. We are also loath to accept sometimes that we are wrong and might be contributing to our child’s mental health issues. This is a difficult subject area to deal with as it is very sensitive. There is much more to be said, but since I am not a professional in this area I wanted to keep it as simple as possible.
Sisters, it might not be your child but if you can help another sister to find help for a seemingly troubled child, please do and remain quiet about it.
I have advised my friend and she is working on getting help for her child. There is nothing wrong with sharing but let’s not do it for talking sake. Find someone who you can confide in. And if you are the one confided in, the least you can do is keep it confidential. Let’s help one another. (Reprinted from March 24th 2024)
