“Sometimes I can’t believe they so young but you know they really try to be the best parents. She does research everything and they really try to do the right thing. I is the grandmother but she does make sure I know she is the mother.”
The word of a sister who has her first grandchild. Her daughter got the baby just out of her teens and the father is not much older. But according to the sister the couple has really moved into parenthood quite well and are being the best parents to their young child.
“You know, I remember when I had my children, especially the first two. It was like I didn’t know nothing and whatever my mother say, especially when they were babes, I would just do it. Is like I know my mother was not the best but I didn’t know either.
“Not with her. If she doesn’t know she does her research and you know sometimes I would want to say girl I is you mother and make you all and you all turn out okay. But then I would say to myself let this child – she is still my child – do her thing,” the sister told me.
Where have we not heard that statement before? I have heard countless grandparents say they were mothers and their children did not turn out too badly so it is as if they are experts in parenting. More often than not they are far from experts and at times the many mistakes they made while navigating the world of parenthood are evident.
But this sister humbled herself and accepted that her daughter earned the right to raise her child the way she sees fit.
“I does look back and see some of the mistakes I make with me children and if could do things different it would not be that way. So, when she does the right thing I does still feel proud because at least I say she know to do the right thing because I had to play some part even if it was not a big part.
“And the father is the same thing. I tell you I does admire these two young people and their child. He is not the perfect husband but when it comes to his child he does try he best. And I don’t try to get into them business too much because they start young and I see they trying and I just pray, you know, that things work out,” she said to me.
‘I does just be there to support, you know. Sometimes it does be hard because I have to work and so, but I always find time to spend with them and me grandchild and they aunty and uncles from both sides, they are very supportive too. Everybody just love this child and I just pray that she turn out to be the best,” she continued.
As this sister conversed with me (it was not the first time she mentioned her grandchild’s parents and how, to her, they are exceptional parents) I couldn’t help but think about that day when I too will become a grandparent. I would hope my children grow up to be the best parents they can be and that I, as the grandmother, know to take the back seat.
Many times grandparents feel it is their right to have a second chance at parenting (maybe they want to correct some of the mistakes they made) not accepting that ‘Hey you really don’t matter that much.’ Now, don’t get me wrong I am not saying grandparents are not important, they are, especially if they are supportive and just work to make the parenting journey easier for their children, but they are not the parents. That simple fact is difficult for many grandparents (and might I say many grandmothers) to accept.
The sister shared an experience she had.
“A day the child had fever and the mother gave her some medicine but the next day she still had the fever and my daughter wasn’t home. So I text her and she said to give her the medicine. But you know that child tell me to take out a picture of the medicine just to make sure is the same one she give her the day before. I get a little vex but and flash the picture and send to her and she say ‘yes is the same medicine’ and then I just give the child.
“After I think about it I was just happy she was careful with me grandchild and happy that they doing what was right,” the sister shared with me.
As I listened I could imagine how quickly that situation could have gone south and in some instances the child may have never been administered the medication because the grandparent took umbrage at having to take the photograph. But not that sister, for her it was about what was best for her grandchild.
“And you know they does teach her, make sure she know her number and letter and so. And she is a loving child. She shows love and is just a happy child. I don’t see them really spoiling her and you know I thought because she was the first she woulda been a spoil child but not at all,” the sister said proudly.
From all indications this child is in good hands. Of course, her parents would not be perfect, we do live in an imperfect world. But I was proud of the grandmother accepting her role of being supportive and not wanting to usurp the authority of the child’s parents. I told her as much, letting her know that she was doing the right thing by her grandchild and playing a big role in her upbringing. I asked her to imagine the scenario of her and her daughter arguing all the time over the child and then maybe absenting herself from the young family because she is upset. Then she would rob her grandchild of the love of her grandparent and also not be there to support her daughter when she most needs it.
Sisters if you are grandmothers ensure that you are supporting. Of course, there are cases when because of some situations you have to be more than supportive and maybe even be a parent to the child. But when it is ‘normal’ just be supportive and for those of who will get there one day let us pledge to be the supportive grandmother and not the one who wants to usurp our children’s authority.
