Have you ever noticed a stranger who did something significant that led you to wonder what their story is? Everyone has a story that has brought them to the present moment. Every experience, every significant conversation and every special moment occupies its own page in a person’s book. Eventually, the story develops a pattern, and the pages that have already been written lend structure to the pages that are about to be filled. To put it simply, every person has their own experiences and memories. These experiences and memories of the past serve to shape the choices that people make during the present.
As young people, the process of writing our stories can be overwhelming and difficult. Sometimes, it can even feel like we are no longer the author of our own stories. In this strange storm of new discoveries and personal growth, it can become easy to forget that we are not isolated creatures. The emotions and struggles that we feel are just as shared as they are real. In fact, it is very possible that someone you have walked past today has had the same thought about the same worry that is plaguing your current life. It is possible that someone you already know has read the same book as you have, or watched the same movie as you have, and neither of you have ever brought it up in a conversation. We are connected to each other. Our stories intertwine with those of the people we love, and even with those of people we have never even met.
Recently, I discovered the word ‘sonder’. The word was coined by a writer named John Koenig in his book “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows”, where he attempted to give a name to emotions and experiences that have yet to be explained or named. The word ‘sonder’ describes the realisation that strangers and passersby in our daily lives have feelings, memories and experiences that are just as complex and personal as ours. If we ever took a moment to stop and look around ourselves when travelling through a crowded street, we may experience the fortunate gift of a moment of sonder.
Most of the worry, loneliness and general angst that we experience as young people is just our minds and souls getting used to the complex nature of life. It is at this stage that we feel most disconnected from the world because we feel as if we are the only dynamic piece in a stationary painting. We become so busy attempting to connect with the world and fit into it that we forget to simply connect with the people who live in the world.
Seeking sonder is an easy way to cure the feeling of loneliness. Try to look beyond the current actions of a person and attempt to discover the experiences that have shaped those actions. Perhaps in our individual moments of sonder, we can gain the insight that it takes to find the magnificence in the vibrant stories hidden away in quiet pages of each other’s lives.
