“Children are some of the most selfish beings at times. I don’t know what it is, we love them but we see how selfish they can be at times especially to the people who love them the most: their parents.”
The words of a single mother, she sounded very frustrated. This woman has been and still is working to keep a roof over the heads of her children and food on the table. Granted, many times she barely makes it and they are in want more often than not. But she tries and they see how difficult it is, she seldom has time for herself.
As she made that statement I pointed out to her that the children did not have a choice whether to be here or not but she, like all parents, brought them into the world.
“I know what you mean and I say that to myself but man they can see how I struggling, but yet like it is never enough… It is like they have no love in them heart for me. I could work whole day and night and come home and find a nasty house, and I would warn them before I come home, you know,” she said.
“Is like I could talk and talk and nothing. And sometimes I just want give up. I love me children and that is why I does work so hard and I know I would never get rich but I trying to let them get a better education than me so they can at least try and make it better in this life. That is me reward in this life but I want a lil joy tuh, man. They could just try to do things better in the house and understand that they mother getting old and help me a bit more,” she said, almost in tears.
“I not blaming them but I didn’t ask for this. I get marry early because I was trying to run away from a hard life. End up with a even more hard life and the marriage ain’t work but I end up with children. The father does help when he want and is me and them alone most times. Now as they get big… is like I have to beg these children and sometimes I does just sit down and cry because is like they have no love in them heart for me.” The tears started to fall.
I allowed the sister to compose herself even as I was in contemplative mode. I have heard many parents speak about how their children appear to be selfish and if they don’t put their feet down the child or children will take advantage of them.
“Look, let me tell you, children are indeed the most selfish beings on this earth,” one mother told me later when I raised the issue with her.
Her children attended the best schools, were well provided for, and were never in want but that is the sentiment she expressed.
“I don’t know what it is but as parents we have to protect ourselves… Love your children but you need to love yourself…,” that mother told me.
But back to the first sister.
After a while she dried her tears and told me candidly that sometimes she wonders what will become of her.
“Right now I don’t feel that good and I have to be on medication and sometimes I say to myself if I really get sick and can’t take care of myself if these children will take care of me. I does pray and ask God to keep me in good health and strength because I don’t want to be a burden on no one,” she told me sadly.
“I still working and I still doing what I can as a mother because is me children them and I want the best for them but some days I does want give up. But I still thank God for his mercies because they going to school and doing good enough so I have to continue to try.”
I asked her if she ever tried sitting and talking to the children.
“A talk to them, a quarrel them, a cry to them. You name it, a do it and still it is like throwing water on duck back but what a go do but continue trying. Maybe when they get older they might change,” she answered.
I raised the issue with a third sister and she expressed similar sentiments about children being selfish.
“I only have boys and I know they love me as their mother but sometimes if I am not careful they will take advantage of me. What I do is talk and pray with them and I see it works at times,” this sister, a staunch believer in God told me.
“There are times I too become frustrated and I want to let loose on them but then I look around at the world we live in and I can see where they are influenced. It is for me to try and break that influence as much as I can.
“Many days I cry too because this life can be tough but I have to keep at it and that is what I am doing.”
I reflected and I wondered if my parents (well more so my mother whom I spent more time with as a child) considered me selfish, even after I became an adult. Maybe she did. I can’t ask her now because she is no more. But some of the things children do now (even my own) I would not have dared do it with my mother.
And I wonder if we as parents becoming more liberal (so to speak) may have led our children down a road of being self-centered and having the ‘me only’ attitude.
Because of the internet our children have more sources to be influenced by, much more than we had as children. As parents we have to just be more intentional in helping our children to be more grounded and understanding that the world does not revolve around them.
Yes, they are important but others, moreso their parents, are also important and need love and support. Of course, our children are just that; children. They are growing and learning everyday and we need to allow them that process but by a certain age, they know right from wrong and when they are being selfish.
I have always said that parenting is the most important job in this world yet it is the only one that one does not have to train, study or even be taught what to do. Most times we learn as we go and make mistakes, some more than others and some that totally destroy the little beings we claim to love so much, but we have to keep trying and keep giving too.
As the first sister said she will continue to love her children and give them what she can. That is the most we as parents can do and with the help of God pray that it all works out.
“Look, whether they small or big they will always be our children. When they small the problems little when they big the problems bigger but we have to try and help, we have to be there for them. But we have to remember ourselves in the process, at least that is how I look at it,” was how one of the sisters summed it up.
So be the best parents you can and you will raise the best children you can. But in the process, like the sister said, remember to take care of you too.
