I think one of the worst things that can happen when you have been abused, in addition to being abused, is to have it plastered everywhere in the digital space. Any form of abuse shreds your self-esteem and having it openly in a digital space for ridicule, retraumatization and the unfortunate effect of it becoming normalized as just another incident, I would argue drives the knives deeper and stronger. It is another variable that is attached to the abuse.
Now not only does the victim have to deal with the shame on a personal level, but there’s the gaslighting and the excuses that defend the violence. The victim is thoroughly stripped of autonomy and agency further pushed into insolation and making him/her vulnerable to more instances of abuse.
Violence and abuse are used as tools to control and remain a common practice in every facet of our post-colonial society to varying degrees. Sometimes I think the importance of truly addressing it is pushed aside, because if we truly did, in its entirety, it would require the powers that be to step down; it would ruin the spoils that many have amassed through violence and abuse and for that would be a hard thing for actual abusers to let go of. So here we are absorbing it, with the occasional outrage, then it’s back to square one as the new day dawns.
When children are beaten or when politicians are caught using their power to marginalize or stifle people, there is a common denominator in both cases. The victims are viewed as less worthy of care; the abusers see themselves as superior beings. In both cases, on the victims’ side, there is a sense of dependence to varying degrees and a general understanding that non- compliance can result in harm. The abuser is almost always either physically stronger or wields significant influence /power. These conclusions shouldn’t be alarming either, after all powerful politicians were once children and this behaviour in almost every case is learnt.
Some of the common excuses that typically follow when a child is beaten are: it happened to me and I turned out fine, or every other non-violent measure was exhausted and this was the last resort to achieve our aim. My question to those that rebut with these excuses is, are we really fine though? Can we not see the connection between children coming from abusive homes and domestic violence? Can we not see how some adults struggle to be themselves later on in life due to a lack of confidence and a crippled self-esteem and how they struggle in their own relationships be it intimate or platonic?
There are connections to be drawn, knock-on effects to be acknowledged and most important of all, bravery required within all of us to recognise how the majority of us play a part in sustaining this violence ridden society whether by ignoring it in our communities or sharing violent videos of children being beaten in the digital space.
