Unfortunate circumstances forced state officials to remove two little girls from the only places they called home, and now they are living as sisters with another mother whose only wish is to make this Christmas a memorable one for them.
Their ‘mother’ knows that this may very well be the only Christmas she will spend with her three-year-old ‘daughters,’ and she hopes it is one they will never forget. By today, two days before Christmas, she would have had everything prepared and not be like the late folks who will be bustling around late into tomorrow night.
At the end of November when the Sunday Stabroek spoke to the woman, whose identity will remain anonymous to protect the children she is caring for, she had already shopped for the girls’ toys and bought the curtains for their room, which she had begun to rearrange. She had also purchased their clothes for school parties – one attends nursery school and the other a play school – and her husband had indicated that he had surprises for the children which he was keeping secret, refusing even to tell his wife.
“So they are all set for Christmas, we are all excited and I have bought the Christmas tree and we are talking about unwrapping the gifts on Christmas morning,” the smiling mother had told this newspaper as she sat in an office of the Child Protection Agency (CPA).
It is not an ideal location to be talking about Christmas cheer, as this is the agency which deals with abused children from across the country, but it is also the agency that links children in difficult circumstances with temporary homes in the hope of giving them another chance.
And so it was there that the woman met the two little girls she is mothering. She knows that it is a temporary situation and that the children could be removed from her care at any time and be reunited with their biological relatives, but this would not stop her from being a real mother to them. If she is given the opportunity she would like to adopt the girls, and herself and her husband would become their parents, and her 14-year-old son their big brother, which he would love. But she knows she is a long way from that point and for now she would settle for making Christmas a memorable one.
The two girls, who are in no way related, are among the 150 children who are in foster homes, the Manager Coleen Khan of the foster care programme at CPA said, while there are some 700 children in state institutions waiting to be placed in foster care.
The foster mother of the two girls told the Sunday Stabroek that she learnt about the foster programme through a television programme, and she decided to apply. She wanted to foster young children both to help give them a second chance, and because they would be the only little ones in her family. The two little girls are now the centre of attention bringing a sense of happiness to the home. If it is God’s wish she would like more biological children, “but for now they are just good enough for us.”
For her the only challenge with the girls is getting them up and ready to leave by 6.30 in the morning for school, and herself for work. They call her ‘mommy‘ and the other family members by their full names; they are good at interacting with the family members. “But I know for sure they are very jealous of one another, especially when it comes to me playing with them; they are very jealous and if they can’t get me for themselves a fighting would start out, but altogether they are okay,” she said with a little laugh.
Prior to the girls she had fostered two siblings for two months, a boy and girl, but they were reunited with their mother, which was a very difficult process. “The handing over part was very difficult for me; I cried, I cried and I cried and when I went home I did not speak to anyone. My son nor my husband did not speak, we weren’t on that communication level for about two days.” Her husband could not understand why they had to go back, and her son was annoyed that they were no longer around. Unfortunately, she has had no contact with the siblings since.
“Probably that is why we opted to do it again, and if we get the opportunity we would do it over again,” she said, adding that it is because they don’t have the accommodation for more children they would not opt for more than two children at a time. “I think it is the love for children which I have makes me go after them,” she said.
According to Khan one of the two girls living with the woman has been in the system for just under a year; she was with a foster parent before, but after that six months was up she was placed with her present foster family. She explained that the birth mother would leave the child at home and there was an allegation of the father molesting an older sibling and this led to the authorities removing the children from the home. Many efforts to locate the mother have been unsuccessful. Khan said after the six months they would make attempts to find the mother or any relatives, and if they cannot be found then there would be a case review and she may remain with her present foster family.
The other child has been with this family from the time the agency took control of her about six months ago. She was placed in a children’s home as an emergency case for a very short period, but because of her age the agency worked to find a foster family quickly for her. There have been no visits for the two girls with their parents or family members.
‘The right thing’
While the mother of the two young girls met them through the agency, in the case of a pastor and his wife they were the ones who brought the children they are fostering to the attention of the agency.
The pastor told the Sunday Stabroek that they knew the siblings – a boy and girl – since their birth as their parents lived opposite them, and it was he who had offered them up in the church.
So when their mother decided to leave and take up a different lifestyle leaving the two young children with their alcoholic father, the pastor said they felt it was “the right thing to do” and they took the children in. It was not a difficult transition for the children because they had spent many days with the family, even when their mother was around.
It was after their mother failed to return and their father showed no interest that the family decided to bring the children’s plight to the notice of the agency, and following an investigation a decision was made to leave the children with the family.
Their father makes promises but he has not kept them, and for the pastor it is not an easy road as they have children of their own and accommodation is an issue at times, but they are not about to let the children down. “I felt as a pastor I had to do something, and how could I be ministering to a congregation and those children were living opposite us and needed a home and not do nothing?” he asked rhetorically. He said it is his wife who now has to care for the siblings and their biological children, as he is away many times because of his ministry.
The woman said she does it by the faith of God, and while some days are not too good she keeps pressing on and it is a joy to see the children blossom. They may not be able to grant the children all their wishes at Christmas, but were confident of providing the warmth and joy of the season while the children will definitely be receiving gifts.
The only issue for the pastor is the children’s education, and he hopes that the agency can provide some help because he cannot pay for remedial classes for them. They are in need of these because they did not receive a sound foundation in their early school days. While the older children in the home support the siblings, he said they need more work if they are going to get a shot at a good education.
Temporary
Khan told the Sunday Stabroek that foster care is a temporary situation, and interested persons can contact the agency to find out more about the programme. The first step is to fill out a short application form, following which the agency’s officers would conduct a visit to the applicant’s home where the latter would indicate what accommodation is available for the child or children. They also have to provide two references as well as a medical to prove they are fit to work, while a police background check would also be done.
The investigating officer will then make a recommendation to Director of the agency Ann Greene who after meeting with the prospective foster parent would accept or reject the application. “Once the person is approved they are placed on a foster care register and await placement with a child,” she said. The foster parent is also assisted with some financial help on a monthly basis, and according to the applicant’s circumstances they can foster from one to five children at the same time.
Initially the applicant signs a six-month agreement with the agency, but depending on the circumstances the agreement can be for three months. After the six-month agreement has expired the agency’s officers would conduct a case review to determine if the child could be reintegrated with their relatives or if they would continue in foster care. The foster family could then also indicate if they want the child to remain in their home, and there are many cases of families indicating their wish to adopt the children.
Some families still remain involved in the children‘s lives during the period of foster care, and indicate a wish to have them back, so the agency would continue to work with them preparing them for the return of the child or children. The parents would also have supervised visitation with the children during that period if they so desire.
Khan said there have been a few cases where families would adopt children after fostering a child, but it has been more “the exception rather than the rule.”
The foster programme commenced in 2009 and there are still some children who are in foster care from that time. At the moment there are approximately 700 children in institutions whom the agency would like to see fostered, since a home environment is always better than an institution for children in difficult circumstances. There are also the children who would come to the agency’s attention as emergencies, and those would also need foster homes and would be placed with persons who are on the agency’s register.
