Twelve shots. Another woman’s dead. Bullets pierced more than the body but injured the soul. As her life force left her, her weeping spirit must have cradled her bleeding body. Floating to some unknown place, afraid and cold and joining the ghosts of the millions of women; many whose souls may never be at rest because their deaths were by the hands of men they loved. Kenesha Vaughn’s life mattered.
The month of March is dedicated to women, but it is a gloomy start because of the murder of another Guyanese woman. How many times have we written “Rest in Peace” and were outraged by the fruits of our violent culture? Too many times, to not be tired. Too many times, to not stand for women not just when they bleed from the violence or are put to rest, but when they are crying for help.
Women’s History Month has been celebrated since 1987 when the United States Congress passed Public Law100-9. We celebrate Women’s International Day on March 8th. It is the history of subjugation and abuse that demands that there is a month for celebrating women. Had every culture to have ever existed abided by the laws of truth, justice and righteousness, where women were always seen as equal, loved, honoured, and respected, perhaps there would be no need for such a month as women would be celebrated every day. But no, for centuries, women have battled misogyny and the ugly consequences of it.
However, we know that women are equally the backbone of any society. Without women at the root nothing will grow. We nurture and help to mould generations. We make sacrifices, we instill values, we create, and build. There is no society that can progress or survive without women.
With time we have made progress. Women have been liberated in many societies and there is more equality. Yet, there are those who still see women as unequal and inferior to men. There are those who still see women as objects to be manipulated, controlled and abused. This society is plagued by the vilest examples of what it means to be imprisoned by a patriarchal system where men are encouraged to be their worst while deluding themselves that their depraved behaviours are acceptable.
Too many men in Guyana do not respect women. Every woman has stories about being harassed, bullied, disregarded and sadly too many have also been psychologically, sexually and physically abused. Abuse is too often excused in this society. Gender based violence is perpetuated by men from all social classes and women cry for help or are silent as they hide in the shadows hoping that their men would change.
It is sad that many abusive men do not change. While there are those who do see the error in their ways, seek help and choose to love and honour women, too many are arrogant and cannot comprehend that their abusive behaviour does not help society, but hurts it. Too many men are bearing the pain from their childhood when they were shaped and raised in an abusive culture. Too many have been taught to suppress their emotions. They exist and pretend to be emotionless but like broken toys their cracks are ever increasing.
Alcohol abuse is a major factor in many domestic violence cases. As a society many people choose to turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with issues relating to mental health and trauma, instead of seeking professional help. Alcoholism is an accepted way of life for many even though it has been proven to result in more harm than good.
In the case of Kenesha Vaughn and Marlon DaSilva, it was reported that he was drunk when the confrontation occurred at his home. He was angry because she called to find out his location and he slapped her and that’s when he said she grabbed a knife. His defence team is claiming self-defence because he said Vaughn grabbed a knife. She is not here to deny or confirm. There were no reports that he was stabbed or otherwise injured. How many bullets must be fired for there to be a legitimate self defence claim? One, two or twelve?
I hope that women trapped in abusive relationships or marriages learn from Vaughn’s story and find the courage to leave. I hope that the services that are available to help women are effective for every woman who seeks help. Too often those put in positions of power prove by their inaction that they do not care.
I hope abusive men will learn from the accused and seek help. It is never too late for an abuser to change. This violent culture is a culture of destruction and death. Men and women must work together to heal this society so that the children do not continue the paths of destruction and death.
Kenesha Vaughn’s life mattered. She was worthy. She deserved love. She deserved to see her child grow. She did not deserve to be murdered, and her family deserves justice.
